Posted in Philosophy, Uncategorized


Throughout all nature, in all things, we find duality. We find contrast. Where there is “one” there is “the other”. Not that it applies to the hustle and bustle of every day life but I find this beautiful. I had noticed duality, made mental notes, along my life time starting at a pretty young age but I never really looked into it on a deeper level. Since I began researching esotericism, the occult, etc. I began to learn about duality in a way that really ignited a peculiar intimacy with the subject in me. I notice it everywhere. I appreciate it. I love the idea of it. The divine thinking behind the creation of it all or the tendency for it to “work” is inspiring.

Everything in nature operates with this active-passive, right hand-left hand, heat-absence of heat, darkness-light, masculine-feminine etc. The light penetrating the darkness is a perfect example. Light, an active, forth-going, positive, male force rockets into the passive, tranquil, negative, female force of darkness. (I would like to clarify that in this sense the words, “positive” and “negative” simply mean “active” and “passive” rather than “good” and “bad”.) Sperm bursts forth and swims vigorously toward the all-encompassing ovum, the sphere of life which passively holds the necessary materials for creating flesh lies dormant, content in itself and its being. With great energy the male force drives forward and penetrates the ovum and the process begins.

Similarly the phallus, an erect male force, thrusts forward and penetrates the passive female vagina. Heat always moves toward the absence of heat (cold). Male energy seeks to fill space and female energy is space. What good are letters without something to write them on? “It is not good that man should be alone”. Woman, female, passive, is fine alone. Because it simply is. Man, male, active needs female because on it’s own it’s incomplete. Female energy left alone would eventually die as well without fertilization yet in its state of being is a placid state of existence.

I’ve begun to notice the Fibonacci Spiral cloaked in male and female energy everywhere I look and it is increasingly more beautiful and awe inspiring with every glance I am allowed by the Creator, whomever it may be. The Ancient One is truly masterful.

Posted in Uncategorized

I Am Nothing

I am nothing,

A stain on the lives of those who were forced into caring about me. A gleaming talisman of misfortune, cast among the ruins, picked up by the unknowing and taken into the city. I am the hunch-back of Notredame, my husband’s Quasimodo. I am a stench. I imagine their noses shriveling up on their faces when they say my name. I am a void, devouring the light of those unfortunate enough to have formed any type of fondness for me; their very essences tapped and drained by my affliction.

But love is not a buckle. Love can’t be unfastened and released, allowing the bestowed upon freedom from its constraints. Love can’t be uninstalled or deleted, it can’t be given back. There is nothing I can do to free them from my curse. I am helpless to help anyone. My disappearance would only exacerbate the burden of the rash which my very existence has spread to anyone close enough to contract it. I cannot win. I am always wrong. My existence is a cruel contradiction of suffering placed upon me by a mad scientist, presumably wishing to inflict pain on others. I am an inversion, a corrupted file. I am a virus.

Even death can offer me no relief for a virus is not even technically alive.

Posted in Uncategorized


I am utterly relieved upon learning that there is a reason I can’t touch paper or cotton. There’s a reason I lose my shit when more than one person is talking. There’s a reason why I can’t understand what people are saying until moments after they’ve said it and I’ve contemplated the meaning of every single word. There’s a reason why I know what I want to say, that I need to say it, but I just can’t. I thought I was just a waste of breath. My neurodivergent diagnosis didn’t change me, it helped me be me without feeling guilty for it.